Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
