I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
