how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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