I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
