btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
