You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Fuck appropriateness.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
