as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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