Screwed.edu
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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