I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
