did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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