brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You're like the curious george of whores
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
