He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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