The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
