Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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