So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
