Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I checked into jail on foursquare
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
