After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I enjoy the company of your penis
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
