I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
