she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize