im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
