New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Shame - the story of my life.
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