i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
