Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize