Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
