Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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