My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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