is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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