Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
