WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
