sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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