i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
