Just fell off a train. Bad.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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