I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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