Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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