All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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