i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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