You smell like a Billy Joel song
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
