Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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