Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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