just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
