he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
