So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
