The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
