I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
