i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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