Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
