I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
