I think I am morally bankrupt
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
