When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
