I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
