You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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