i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
