and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
