remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize