Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
