Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
