youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize