I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize