How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
