The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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