If that was your dad, he is hot
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
