umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
