addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
