Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
