Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
