why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
