that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize