The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
