Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
