these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
