Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
