i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
