its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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