I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
