if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
