he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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