So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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