I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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