Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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