That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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