What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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