i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
