No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
