so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My ATM looks so different sober.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
