First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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