I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
May the power of my ass compel you!!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
