my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize