I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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