So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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