that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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