Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
