Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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