my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
