i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
