cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
