YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
