3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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