very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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