Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
