Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My penis needs a shock collar
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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