goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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