Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
