I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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