I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize