Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My liver just had a heart attack.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
