my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
