Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize