Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
