She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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