I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
