She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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