wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
